Good and perfect

Would you do it with me,
Heal the scars and change the stars?
Would you do it for me,
Turn loose the heaven within?

— Nightwish, Ever Dream

I know I'm really slow to update (life's finally gotten busy), but as of last Thursday night, Caroline and I are no longer "together". After a long period of thinking, praying, and discussing, we decided that we are not ready yet to commit to a serious relationship. So we "broke up". The bright side is that we're still good friends and I don't believe feelings were hurt on either side by this mutual decision.

Despite the pain of the breakup (which surprised me by lessening much faster than I'd expected), I am incredibly thankful for the three months we had together. I don't regret a minute of the time we spent with each other, and God used it to bless me and teach me in countless ways, probably more than I even realize at this point.

We wrestled for a while with the question of whether to end the relationship, and as we were drawing close to making a decision (and I was fairly certain it was going to end this way), I was comforted by James 1:17 — Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. The encouragement in that verse is twofold. First, the wonder and beauty I experienced in the relationship while it lasted was not some stolen forbidden pleasure — it was a gift from God. Even though it was not to last, there is no reason to regret the brief gift that God so freely shared with me. Second, God knew even before we began the relationship that it was not going to last. God does not change. Yet I am unshakably certain that it was not only His will but His delight for us to enter that relationship — we were confident of that going in, and I've never doubted it since. He knew it was not going to last, yet He wanted us to have it anyway, despite the pain its end would bring. Why? Who can fathom the mind of God? I will never know all that He accomplished through it, but I do know that it has helped me in many areas of my own life — showed me areas in which I need to grow, opened my eyes to "things I never knew I never knew" ... and, certainly, blessed me with just a taste — an appetizer — of the incredible glory and joy our Heavenly Father desires for His children.

I am bewildered with awe at the love and encouragement I've been shown by my brothers and sisters in Christ. To all of you who are praying for us or for me, words cannot express my gratitude. I honestly believe that the surprising lack of difficulty I'm having in dealing with this is due in a huge amount to your prayers. May God richly bless you all.